We hope you have enjoyed our first series on love from all different types of relationships! Our last post is brought to you by the men that daily support and encourage the mission behind The Well… our husbands. Nick Berry, Jermelle Cudjo, and Ben Decker are giving us some insight into what it means to love as a husband. We have prompted them with a few questions that will help us view marriage from a man’s perspective. Here’s what they have to say…
-The Women of The Well
When do you feel most loved by your wife?
JERMELLE: My love language is “acts of service and quality time”. When Kandyce picks up around the house, cooks dinner and makes time for just me and her, I feel like I am a priority and loved.
BEN: I feel loved by Alice when she spends quality time with me on date nights, having fun or genuine conversations, and when she does things for me because she was thinking about me.
NICK: My love languages are Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. Blakely is such a servant and is always doing things for me – cooking dinner, doing laundry, keeping our home, and encouraging me. That’s how she shows me love.
Has marriage changed your view on true love?
BEN: After 4 years of marriage, I now understand that love is more than fate, fuzzy feelings, or intense physical and emotional attraction. I understand what it means when we say that love is a covenant. Love is a commitment and a choice—every single day I choose to love Alice. Most days it’s like breathing, I do it without even thinking about it; it’s so incredibly easy. But love is also about showing up for the times it’s not easy. It’s about sacrifice, humility, vulnerability, forgiveness, and a promise to be there. It’s an understanding that this relationship is not about two people, but one unit. Above all else, love is worth it.
JERMELLE: When I was single, I was trying to find Mrs. Right but really my focus was on myself. Now as a husband, my wife comes first. Every decision I make, I consider her feelings because I love her and strive to provide for her.
What are some things your wife does that encourage you to pursue the Lord?
JERMELLE: When I see my wife studying the Word and growing in her spiritual walk, it pushes me to study and grow in my faith. I am called to be the spiritual leader and I can’t be that for her if I don’t push myself daily in my walk with Christ.
BEN: Alice is my partner on our journey of following Jesus. She is supportive and often challenges me through her excitement to engage in both our life groups and our serving commitment. I also appreciate that she calls me out when I need someone to help point out the planks I can’t quite see in my eye, and yet she offers me grace and forgiveness.
What do you love most about your wife?
NICK: I love how she cares for other people, whether it is me, friends, family, or a total stranger. She always looks for needs and puts other people ahead of herself.
JERMELLE: I love that she is outgoing because I am an introvert. We balance each other out; let’s just say opposites attract. I love that her differences challenge me to be a better man and push me to my limits.
BEN: I love her smile, her sense of humor, her kind and gentle spirit, her ridiculous creativity and artistic talent, her insane attention to detail, her thoughtfulness, her flat butt, and her genuine passion for Jesus.
What’s one thing your wife can say more often to show you that she loves you?
BEN: I’m not really a words of affirmation person, so words don’t typically have a huge impact on how loved I feel. I enjoy quality time and attention so I would say that simply engaging in deep conversations more frequently fills my love tank.
NICK: I feel most loved when I get home and Blakely is waiting for me with a smile on her face. “I’m excited to see you” with a hug shows me love.
JERMELLE: “Thank you.” I love when Kandyce notices that I’ve done something productive and acknowledges my efforts. A “thank you” goes a long way.