Marriage For Realz


Jermelle and I will celebrate our two year anniversary in February. We met 9 years ago and I still can’t get enough of the guy. When you’ve been together since you were 20, you’ve gone through many different seasons of life. Needless to say, we’ve been through a lot. Six different cities and a few years of long distance can really do work on a relationship.

Life has a funny way of doing things and hard times can do one of two things: bring you together or push you apart. It’s your choice. Regardless, these last 9 years have had some really tough, gut wrenching times. We’ve had to fight to make it work. The media gives this unfair example of what marriage should be like and I think it’s time for someone to get real. Here are a few things I’ve learned these last couple years.

  1. Putting someone else’s feelings, wants and emotions before my own is hard and sometimes I just don’t want to. But I have to. I’ve learned that when I put myself before my husband, it feels good for a little bit but usually comes back and bites me. When I put my husband first, it ain’t easy most of the time but the outcome down the road is far more rewarding.
  2. We let each other down … a lot. Probably more me than him. My husband is awesome. He has the personality where when he does something, he does it full force and at the best of his ability. Including our marriage. Regardless, we both mess up. When I look at myself in the mirror and I am honest with my own screw ups, I tend to have more grace with his.
  3. We are complete opposite. Like everything … chocolate is my love language, he hates it. I love big groups of people, he’s extremely introverted. I am dynamic and energetic, he sends one worded text messages without any type of exclamation or emoji … drives me crazy. Everyday, I have to be intentional in accepting and appreciating him for who he is, not trying to change and manipulate him for who I think he should be.

Just like everything in life, we have ups and downs. No matter where your marriage is today, you are not alone. I promise. It’s time for us to get honest and lean on each other …. that’s what sisters are for. And if you don’t have any girlfriends who you can talk to, we are always here. Email us if you ever need prayer, someone to talk to or just a listening ear. We love you so much.

There are 6 comments

By Kristin | December 7, 2016 at 8:02 am

Preach! So true! Me and my husband are opposites & it has take. Years to love him and appreciate those differences…one time he sent me a short message with an emoji and I was like..”who has my husband’s phone? This is not him!” Lol and then I questioned it & I then realized that it was him & I don’t need him to do that even though I had to send an emoji with every single message lol Kandyce I totally get it

By Kandyce Cudjo | December 7, 2016 at 10:33 pm

That’s awesome!! I love it bc his strengths (for the most part) are things that I can improve on. When I realized God put us together for a purpose, everything changed. Our differences make us a stronger unit. Thanks for sharing, sister!!

By Laurie Mallon | December 7, 2016 at 7:06 pm

Kandyce you have always been so wise and intuitive Keep these behaviors and practices up in your marriage and it will last. I know after 27 years of marriage there are so many bumps in the road but when you know that the joy in your marriage is ALWAYS there even when the pain and anger are there too, they can never endure or outlast the joy.

By Kandyce Cudjo | December 7, 2016 at 10:35 pm

That’s so good, Laurie. I sure do miss our weekly heart to hearts!

By Patti Hannan | December 8, 2016 at 7:59 am

You are wise beyond your years! Very good advice and ferric insight!

By Aunt Pat | December 8, 2016 at 1:16 pm

You are so right! John and I had to work on so many things when we first married and guess what after 46 years we are still working on so many issues. Your life changes, so many seasons. But you stay true to your commitment that you made to each other before God. And sometimes it is the before God that keeps you there. I love you . And I loved your Christmas card.

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