All week I’ve been praying and really thinking about how I can be fully transparent about my feelings on Mother’s Day – and be graceful about it. I’ve entered the anger stage of grief and let me tell you, it isn’t pretty. You’d thank I’d be over the moon excited about this holiday since I’m about to be a mother but that’s not the case. Last year, Mother’s Day wasn’t bad at all so the anger and sadness I am feeling has hit me unexpectedly.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you if you are feeling the way that I am that “everything will work out” or “it’s all going to be okay”. When you’ve lost a child, a mother or would give anything to be a mom — a cliché saying just makes it worse and is upsetting. I just want to scream, “No! It’s not going to be okay! She’s not here, I’m pregnant without my mom and nothing can bring her back!”

Days like Mother’s Day can be hard for many people and if that’s you, you are not alone. It’s a hard day. I’m not drowning in my sorrows or letting the day be straight up miserable, it’s just a huge reminder she isn’t here. Here are some thoughts:

1. We can turn to God or away from God. The latter is empty, dark and even more sad. Even though we might not feel Him, He is closer than we can imagine. When we turn to God, even if we are upset with Him, He fills us with peace and understanding. No matter what, do not turn away from God. Life is already hard enough, we need Him.
2. He meets us where we are — even if we are in an angry, ugly place. He knows our hearts. He loves us through the good and bad. Be honest with your prayers, let it all out and speak your heart. Lately, my prayers are full of screams and tears. He hasn’t left me yet, never will.
3. We have to surround ourselves with believers. Our sisters in Christ are the ones who speak life into us, encourage us and direct us back to Him. If you don’t have anyone like that in your life, reach out to one of us. We need each other.

Sometimes I find myself getting frustrated because I don’t want to be angry. It’s part of the process. We have to ride the wave of grief and over time, this too shall pass.